


Memories

by TheScandalOfFandoms



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Battle of Mustafar, Child Luke Skywalker, Childhood Memories, Fluff and Angst, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, Light Angst, Memories, Mentioned Darth Vader, Minor Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Order 66, POV Obi-Wan Kenobi, Post-Order 66, Post-Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sith Anakin Skywalker, Star Wars Spoilers, Sunsets, Tatooine (Star Wars), Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:20:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24130462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheScandalOfFandoms/pseuds/TheScandalOfFandoms
Summary: Obi-Wan has settled down on Tatooine to watch over Luke Skywalker. Memories of his past life catch up to him, make him question whether this is all there is to life.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there.   
> This is just a small piece of creative writing about what I think Obi-Wan must have gone through. Just a small one-shot about an evening where he thinks about letting go. If you came for some Obi-Wan angst you're right where you wanna be.

I sat in my house on Tattoine. The suns were burning down the sky, the heat spread through the room of my hut like wildfire. But after a certain amount of time I had gotten used to this incredible, burning heat. The reminders that the warmth of the suns brought with them hurt more than the sunburn on my dry skin.

_"Master?” I asked quietly, checking if i got Qui-Gon Jinn's attention._

_“Obi-Wan, are you alright?”_

_„I should be the one to ask the question, shouldn‘t I? Why do you look so worried?” My voice was shaking a bit, as I looked at him from the side._

_„I have found the chosen one, Obi-Wan“, gave my master back._

_“Again?” I immediately regretted this question and looked on the floor._

_“No… it is different, this time, young Padawan. This time I really have faith. He is it. He is the one to bring balance to the force!”_

_“He is a slave”_

_“He is much more than that. He is much more than you or I will ever be” And as he said that, I know the conversation would be over. But it hurt. It really hurt._

I sighed and looked up, out the window. What would I do, to turn back time, several years ago and stop myself and my master from ever landing on at this planet. We never would’ve found Anakin. All of this would not have happened. My master would still be alive. The man I looked up to. But you can’t change the past, can you? You have to take your destiny as it is. You shouldn’t pity the dead or lost, but the living. Especially those who live without love. Those who live in hatred, that get controlled by fear and those who fall into an endless obsession for revenge, and the only way to cure that obsession is bringing death. Memories and thoughts were spinning in my head and took over. Every hurting memory in my life.

The memories flashed uncontrollably and fast behind my eyes, like a hologram.

_“Obi-Wan, that is Anakin”_

_“Hi”_

_“I will train you, Anakin. I promise”_

_“I’ve brought peace and justice to my new empire”_

_“Your new empire?”_

_„Chancellor Palpatine is evil“_

_„In my eyes the jedi are evil“_

_“Anakin… don’t try it”_

_“You underestimate my power."_

Again I was hoping that he wouldn’t jump. That he wouldn’t do this foolish step and throw himself into doom. And again I am hoping that I wouldn’t pull out my lightsaber and really don’t commit the action. But all hope didn’t help.

As the memories floated through my mind a sigh left my lips. All this pain, all this suffering. I have lost everything. Everything. I felt how hatred started boiling inside of me. Because of Anakin I had lost everything. Everyone. My master, father and mentor Qui-Gon. My padawan, brother and best friend Anakin. As I stood in the flames of Mustafar I knew it wasn’t Anakin I was talking to. It was a shell that looked like him, but everything inside was completely destroyed and broken. Filled with hatred, anger and the hunger for power. Guided by jealousy and fear. His whole insides were a complete wreck. And killing him, made me a wreck. Now I was the one filled with unending sadness and anger. Hatred and fear. My eyes wandered around and until a small chest captured their attention. Slowly I got closer to it and opened it. My hands were shaking and I felt how my eyes began to burn. As I took off the top and took out the contents I could feel the heat of the suns burning in my back and a little tear forming in the corner of my eye. Anakins lightsaber. The lightsaber he had lost so many times. The lightsaber I had to collect so many times. The lightsaber he built when he was my Padawan. This weapon covered too many memories. But this time they didn’t hurt. They were… comforting but also painful considering the circumstances.

_“Anakin” I called after him but he had already jumped out the speeder. I sighed annoyed and took over the steering wheel, ready to follow him. A few minutes later his lightsaber flew right toward me. A movement that I was so used to and I caught it mid-air, laid it on the seat next to me. As soon as i was reunited with Anakin i told him my standard quote. “Don’t lose this. This weapon is your life.”_

I laid it back softly and pulled out another thing that was below that. Anakin’s Padawan braid. My heart pulled itself together and a burning pain spread through my chest. I knew I should let go, but letting go of something that held you above water for so long is harder than everyone thinks. I took the chest, froze for a short time and then turned around, walking out the house. Night began to fall and the temperatures sank as quickly as the suns set. I walked a little, trying to get my mind clear. I got to the top of a sandbank and sat down. I crossed my legs and looked at the chest. Then I placed it in front of me and stared at it.

“ _There is no emotion, there is peace_ ” I whispered slowly and placed my hand on top of the chest.

" _There is no ignorance, there is knowledge_ ”

I start to concentrate and close my eyes.

“ _There is no passion, there is serenity_ ”

For the last time I play those memories back and forward in my mind.

“ _There is no chaos, there is harmony_ ” I feel heat waves coming out of my palm.

“ _There is no death, there is the force_ ”

As I opened my eyes I saw blue flames surrounding my palm. They turned orange as soon as they reached the wood the chest is made out of. I didn’t feel the flames. Maybe because the force protected me or maybe because I thought I deserve this pain. Maybe I did. Maybe I deserved everything that has ever happened to me. Maybe I was never good enough. Not good enough for my master. Not good enough for my Padawan. And other people made their way into my mind. Cerasi. Sabine. Padme. All of my Jedi brothers and sister.

Was I not good enough for them either?

My whole body aches for answers.

Why is everyone taken away from me? What have I ever done to make this happen? Everything is my fault. My hand is burning and burning, I still can’t feel any pain.

“Ben?” The voice of a kid made me look up. "Your hand is... on fire”

I looked at a child’s face. Luke’s face. He has so much from his mother in it, but also so much from Anakin. The hair, the smile…. All of that was Anakin.

But the genuine concern in his voice was all Padme. I finally found my way back to reality and with that started feeling the pain in my hand. I pulled it back, extinguishing the fire with the force and got back on my feet.

“Luke, what are you doing here?”

“I came to visit you! I saw you up here and I thought you might be lonely … “

Luke smiled at me. Then it hit me. Why I was still here. I knew it. This boy. He was the chosen one. And it was my duty to protect him. I promised my master to protect the Chosen One and that's what I was going to do.

Everything in my mind left within a second and I concentrated only on the little boy in front of me.

“Oh Luke…” I said and I could feel a smile coming up on my lips.

“What are you doing up here, anyway?” he asked and looked at me, with this pure expression of innocence, that every young kid has.

I bent my knees and looked him in his eyes.

“That does not matter anymore, Luke. Want to hear a story?”

“Yes, please, Ben! What are you going to tell me about?” Luke’s curiosity grows every day, at least so it seems.

“Did I ever tell you about –“

“You have, probably”, Luke interrupted me and laughed. I just had to laugh as well.

“You are right, but it is not my fault you want to hear so many stories!”

He and I walked for a little while. I told him stories. A few were made up, a few weren’t. But he didn’t have to know that. He was too young to find out about everything.

It turned dark way too soon.

“I should bring you back to Uncle Owen. You know he doesn’t like it when you are around me!” I said then.

“But I want to hear more stories!” Luke begged.

“Another time, Luke! Now it’s time to go home. Not just for you, but for me as well!”

“Okay, Ben! Good night!” He said and let go of my hand that he had held for a short time as we were walking around.

“Good night, Luke…” I gave back.

“May the force be with you…” I whispered then but so quietly he didn’t hear me anymore.

He ran back to his house and I turned my back to leave for my house.

I stared into the darkness.

So this is it? My new life?

Protecting a boy on Tatooine, making sure that no one will find him and when the time comes, tell him everything he needs to know.

But was this really my calling?

Was this the point of everything that I have been through?

Did I lose so incredibly much just to come to this point of my life?

But some questions shall never be answered. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Thanks so much for reading.


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